


Can Our Ship Name Be Poolossus?

by PlumBat



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Allusion to childhood sexual abuse, Communication, Consent, Deadpool 2 - Freeform, Difficult non-monogamy feels, Fingering, First Time, Frottage, M/M, Oral Sex, Polyamory, brief panic attack, negotiation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 02:12:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14843639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlumBat/pseuds/PlumBat
Summary: Wade wants to fuck Colossus. Vanessa is supportive. Piotr is startled.Contains major spoilers for Deadpool 2.Content warnings for allusion to childhood sexual abuse, a brief panic attack related to the same, and difficult non-monogamy feels.I had a wonderful time writing this, hope you enjoy reading!!





	Can Our Ship Name Be Poolossus?

Vanessa came back from the dead. She had no memory of it, but Wade told her it was true, and why would he make that up? You'd think that dying and coming back to life would make a big impact on a person, but she felt exactly the same, because of course it hadn't actually happened, not in the world that Wade had come back and fixed. He was the one who was affected. 

Mostly he was his normal self. He insisted that they move to a place with a lot more security, which was a shame because she'd loved their apartment, but it made sense after that scary fucking attack. He also explained that he had to join the X-Men and get thrown in super-jail and a lot of other things that frankly didn't make a lot of sense, but she trusted him that it's what he needed to do and that he'd come out of it fine in the end, because she had to, and thank fuck he actually did come back to her.

It sounded like he'd made some new friends too, so that was cool. He'd also talked her into adopting a 14 year old?? She'd needed a couple weeks to think about it, but in the end Wade's attachment to the kid, and his determination that he not have to go to another institution (even as nice a place as the mansion in Westchester), were things she was happy to say yes to. The paperwork hadn't gone through yet, but he'd already moved in and it was going well so far. Way sooner than she'd expected to become the parent of a teen, but Russell was sweet. Hard to imagine him ever hurting anyone the way Wade described him not-anymore growing up to do. 

So yeah, after all that, if she caught Wade staring at her sometimes, she couldn't blame him. She'd sure stared at him enough after he came back from the dead the first time. Right now though, he'd been staring for ten straight minutes and it was getting super distracting. No matter how she tried to lose herself in the pulpy sci-fi paperback she was reading, her focus kept sliding back to him. 

She set the book down on the bedside table and shifted in bed to face him. “Hey baby. What's up?”

He answered immediately, “I think I wanna fuck Colossus.”

Ok, she hadn't seen that one coming. “The metal guy?”

“Yup.”

“Aaanything in particular bring this on?”

He pursed his lips, thinking for a moment. “You remember that one time when you asked me if I'd ever been with a guy and I said not as a consenting adult and you said well if you ever want to try it we can talk about it and then we fucked like crazed weasels?”

“Pretty sure I do.”

“I think I want to fuck Colossus”

“Hm.” She gave a few small, considering nods. “So tell me what you like about him.”

He grinned. “Well, as you may or may not have heard, he's _metal_ , which is intriguing on _so_ many levels. Like, when he takes a shit does it come out normal or does it transform on the way through and come out as a bullet? I don't know! He won't tell me!!” She snorted. 

“He's huge.” He sketched a shape with his hands, then slashed at the air as if crossing it out and sketched a much larger one, widening his eyes and pulling back to try to take in the imaginary figure before him. “Enormous. Muscles for months. Which I have to admit is a _real_ turn on. I think it's safe to assume his dick is just monstrous. Plus, get this… he's _metal_. So, like, does that mean his monster dick is just hard ALL the time?” He blinked and shook his head before continuing. 

“He's a double-capital-G Good Guy, which I never pictured being at _all_ my thing, but it's surprisingly endearing. I've never even heard him say ‘fuck’, not once. And just imagine it for a second in that accent.” He gestured outwards sharply, as if releasing a dam. “Sploosh. He's so fucking Good that my theory is it's all an act” his voice lowered into a disapproving whisper, “and actually he runs an underground babies versus puppies fighting ring.” She broke into a smile at that. 

“He's saved my life a couple times, which is always a bonus, oh and he fought THE JUGGERNAUT and actually won?? Yukio and her girlfriend helped, but still, that's a LOT impressive.”

Vanessa nodded, the smile still on her face. “You've got a real crush going, huh?”

“So much.”

“Ok.” She took a deep breath. “Ok. Here's the deal. Sex is fine. But just sex. No feelings. And you tell me all about it after. Deal?”

“Deal. Wanna fuck like crazed weasels?”

“Oh hell yeah.”

*

It wasn't a surprise any more when Wade just showed up at the Mansion. Today he'd caught Piotr in the kitchen, making himself a sandwich. The X-Man cocked his head as he set down his ham and cheese and accepted the lined sheet of paper that his friend was holding out to him. He unfolded it and did a double-take at the first line — “How to tell Colossus that I want to make sweet, sweet no-strings-attached love to him:” He scowled and shot a look of puzzled annoyance at Deadpool, but the smaller man wasn't looking at him, instead rifling through the cabinets, pulling out random items of food and making them into a tower. With the reluctant feeling that he wasn't in on the joke, Piotr looked back to the paper and read on. Little cartoons were doodled next to a couple of the entries. 

\- Make him a romantic candlelit spaghetti dinner and engineer it so we do that thing where we're both slurping on the same strand  
\- Perform an interpretive dance and hope he figures it out  
\- Just tell him  
\- Hire a sky-writing plane  
\- Singing telegram  
\- Spell it out with the entrails of his enemies  
\- Pretend to need mouth to mouth and then turn it into a real kiss once he starts giving it to me  
\- Write him a long, heartfelt letter about why it would make sense and be great  
\- Tell him that Cable says we have to fuck to Save The Future

Only the last entry wasn't crossed out —  
\- Give him this list

Piotr looked up slowly, his thoughts a jumble. “Wade, I…”

Wade shot up, his tower toppling over and spilling across the counter and floor. “Vanessa said it was ok! Anyway, I gotta go, got an appointment or something, think about it, ok bye!”

And with that, Piotr was alone with his sandwich again. “...chto za chert,” he muttered. 

*

Three torturously long days later, Wade got a text. “Not committing to anything. But let's talk.”

“YES!!!” he shouted, severely startling his mark, who hadn't noticed him hiding in the tree above him. 

“Can you believe it??” Wade exclaimed, dropping onto the mobster’s shoulders and snapping his neck with his thighs. 

*

There weren't many reputable places that would serve the visibly mutated. This being New York, though, of course there were a few. Piotr had suggested that they meet at one of the nicer ones, which had freaked Wade right out. Was this like… a… date? Wade hadn't been on a conventional dinner first-date with anyone since well before Vanessa, and he didn't have great memories of the few such experiences he'd had. But hey, if this was the way into Colossus’s cargo pants, so be it. 

After trying on and rejecting his entire wardrobe, he recruited Vanessa to go out shopping with him. While her fashion advice was helpful, her dirty whispers to him about the things Colossus was going to do to him were anti-helpful. Not that he minded _that_ much, but man did he feel like a teenager again, hiding in dressing rooms waiting for his hard-on to go down (eventually he gave up and just walked around with a stiffie) (and when that got too uncomfortable, he beat off into a silk shirt and stuffed it up under a ceiling tile, luckily it wasn't one of those places that makes you take a number showing how many items you brought in with you). 

Eventually he settled on tight jeans, to match his tight butt, and a thin black jacket, slouchy red shirt, and black infinity scarf to match his mask. Maybe this place would be down with Piotr’s chrome-forward look, and maybe they'd even let him in with his ugly mug, but that didn't mean he wanted to deal with people throwing up into their fancy cloth napkins around him. On the other hand, they'd probably all be rich assholes, so… well, he'd play it by ear. The person whose opinion mattered was the one who was going to be sitting across from him. Oh shit. This was happening. This was really happening. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!

*

Piotr was already there when Wade arrived, leaning against the wall in the lobby, looking somehow even more shiny and huge than normal in civilian clothes (a dark blue button-down crisply tucked into gray slacks). He smiled as Wade walked up, his expression changing to confusion when the mercenary stuck out his hand. After a moment, he held out his own in return, which Wade grabbed and pumped vigorously while saying “Heyyy, good to see you buddy! I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm extremely nervous! Let's sit down!” Piotr couldn't help but chuckle at that, which seemed to make Wade relax a little. 

To the head waiter’s credit, he didn't afford them a second glance of either curiosity or concern as he escorted them to their table (though neither man could help but notice that it was in the back corner). Ordering allowed them a few minutes of normalcy —

“Would you like to share a bottle of wine?”

“Ooh, thanks but I'd prefer a Long Island Iced Tea.” 

“That's fine, in that case I'll have vodka.” 

“Share an appetizer?” 

“Hmm, maybe the bruschetta?” 

“Perfect, yeah.”

Once that had been dealt with, though, it was just the two of them and the spotless white tablecloth. Wade was desperate for something to shred but, as he'd expected, the napkins were cloth rather than paper. He started trying to fold his into a floppy origami crane. 

To both of their surprise, it was Piotr who broke the silence. “Are you… going to keep your mask on the whole time, then?” 

Wade just stared at him for a moment, then took a deep breath and pulled it off. “You, uh… you sure you're gonna be able to eat…?”

Piotr shook his head, “Your face doesn't bother me, Wade. I've spent a lot of effort learning to not judge people by their appearance, and I'd like to think I've taken it to heart by now.”

Wade let out an embarrassingly relieved sigh. “Coooool cool cool. Cool.” Thank fuck for Good Guys.

Piotr felt increasingly confident — this really wasn't a joke or trick. Wade was a lot of things but he wasn't this good of an actor. “It was very flattering, your note. A little forward, maybe, but” he shrugged and one side of his mouth quirked up, “my companions need intrigue like they need oxygen, so I don't mind that.”

Wade brightened in response. “Could've fooled me, inviting me out on a date and everything… I mean, that is what this is, right? I'm not just _that_ bad at reading situations? Because I —”

Piotr’s laugh was low and so unexpectedly sensual that Wade’s mind went entirely blank. “Yes, Wade. We are on a date, as hard as it may be for either of us to believe.”

Wade just grinned dopily in response, propping his chin up in one hand. 

The rest of the meal went smoothly from there. They talked about how Piotr came to join the X-Men, how Wade came to join the Special Forces, gossiped about their friends and enemies. Piotr approved heartily of Wade and Vanessa taking on Russell, and said that of course the boy was more than welcome to come to the Mansion any time to train. Wade speculated eagerly about future jobs for X-Force, Piotr grumbled in concern over whether he was even allowed to be a member of two teams at once, and they managed to crack each other up multiple times over. 

It was as they were waiting for dessert to arrive that the call came in over the little radio device on Piotr’s wrist. Wade recognized Scott Summers’ whiny voice — “All available team members needed at 54th and Colombia immediately, we've got a Code Zeta threat and civilians on-scene.”

Piotr stood up so quickly that he barely avoided flipping the table. He pulled out his wallet and threw down enough bills to cover the check and tip. Wade felt a flush of warmth at being paid for, which was warring with a stab of disappointment at the thought of the evening ending prematurely. 

“Don't go?” he suggested lamely. 

“Better idea. Come with me,” Piotr replied, holding out his hand. Wade grasped it and was yanked upright. 

*

For someone who'd just been urgently requesting backup, Cyclops did not look that pleased to see them emerging from Dopinder’s cab. Nevertheless, he barked orders at them from where he was crouched behind an overturned car — “Colossus, take the big one there. Deadpool, control the ones flanking from the left.” As he spoke he gestured towards a dozen or so strange, slim purple-skinned creatures with distinctly alien-looking guns who were stalking up the street towards them. He popped his head up and blasted the closest whatever-it-was with his eye-beam, which bounced away… apparently these things were protected somehow. 

“Oh, so all I've gotta do to see more of you people is be in a fanfic! Well thank goodness for Tumblr.”

Bright blue light shot from the creatures’ guns towards them. There was no decent cover, so Deadpool just zigged and zagged towards the left-hand group of attackers. A shot clipped him in the upper arm, sizzling painfully as it burned into his flesh, which of course quickly healed over the wound. Colossus barreled forward on his right, also taking fire and also not slowing. 

Steel won out where laser-pointer eyes had failed, both Wade's swords and Piotr’s fists connecting and halting their targets. 

By the time the fight was over, Wade's nice new clothes were thoroughly singed and covered in purple pulp. He still had no idea what the things they'd been fighting were, but man were they messy. 

The rest of the team walked over as Piotr gathered up the alien tech and Wade tried unsuccessfully to wipe some of the guts off of his jeans. He perked up when Yukio stepped into view — “Hi Yukio!!” “Hi Wade!!” — followed by Negasonic. Cyclops gave them a quick up and down, and bluntly asked “What were you two up to?”

“That is our business” Piotr rumbled, turning towards where the X-Jet hovered over a nearby city park.

“Yeah,” Wade chimed in, turning to follow the bulk of his gore-streaked date. As he walked, he looked back over his shoulder, locked eyes with Summers, pushed his mask (which he'd put back on in the cab) up to his nose, held up two fingers in a V, and enthusiastically flicked his tongue up and down between them. The look of disgust on the man's face and the look of delight on Yukio’s were sooo worth it. 

*

It occurred to Wade that it may have been a little presumptuous to sit his flunked-out-of-Hero-training butt down in the Hero-Jet for the ride back to Hero-Manor, but fuck it, if you ruin your brand new date night outfit helping the heroes, you get to go in their ride. Besides, who said date night was over? He propped his legs up on Piotr’s lap. Piotr lifted a hand as if to move them off, then put it back down, resting it on Wade's ankle.

“So, who were those friendly little fellas? And how come it's always New York that's getting invaded? That sort of lazy writing is one thing in Hollywood, you can get away with anything there, but I expect more from a work of fan artistry.”

Negasonic rolled her eyes. “Would it kill you to make sense?”

“HA! If only!” He noticed Piotr’s startled look and added “...kidding! I've got all kinds of cool things to live for again, promise.”

“Those were the Gremmen,” Summers said. Then he held up his hand and cocked his head, his eyes taking on a far off look which Wade assumed meant he was talking to Mr. Clean. 

“A new threat,” Piotr explained. “We do not know where they came from or why they're here.”

“Well, that saves a lot of exposition time,” Wade quipped. 

“The Professor's been sensing them for weeks now,” Negasonic said. “...thanks for helping out.”

Wade clapped a hand to his chest. “It touches my heart so much every time you open up! Your guidance counselor would be so proud!”

She rolled her eyes and walked over to the helm, where Yukio was bringing them down onto the Mansion’s landing pad. 

*

It turned out that the Mansion’s locker rooms had single stall showers with curtains rather than a steamy group hose-down situation, which was a disappointment, but at least the big fluffy robes were nice. Where Wade’s covered his limbs and torso almost completely, Piotr's showed his forearms, several inches of mouth-watering thigh, and a generous stretch of smooth, shiny chest. Wade didn't pretend not to stare. 

“Come Wade, let's find you something to wear.”

“I'm perfectly comfortable, actually.”

“That may be, but your clothes aren't recoverable, I'm afraid, and you will need to leave here eventually.”

“What, I don't get to keep this? But I've already marked it.” 

“...I don't want to know what that means.”

“Let's just go to your room and hang. Finish dinner.”

Piotr raised an eyebrow. 

Wade looked up into the taller man’s eyes, gave his best winning smile, and elaborated, “I mean… we never did have dessert…”

Piotr shifted in place, the rippling movement of his metal muscles drawing Wade's gaze. And was he crazy (well, yes), or was there a bulge under that robe that hadn't been there before? ...nope, false alarm, that was just a fold of fabric in the shape of wishful thinking. Probably. Hard to say. Heh, ‘hard.’

“This way,” Piotr said, heading down the hall. Well, there was definitely at least ONE robe with a bulge now. Wade followed. 

*

Piotr’s room was spacious, sized to the man himself. The metal giant put some music on through an ipod speaker, a woman's voice singing huskily in Russian, then walked over to a wooden cabinet and pulled out a bottle of amber liquid. “Brandy?”

“Ooh, fancy. Yes please.” Wade threw himself into one of a set of matching armchairs so he wouldn't pace like the nervous wreck he was. He rolled his shoulders, which cracked with an audible pop. 

“Urgh, in addition to getting covered in gross stuff, sore muscles are a serious job hazard in the bad guy killing business. I bet you give an amazing backrub. If, like, you're SUPER careful not to squeeze too hard. I'd offer you one but I'm not sure I'd make much of a dent, so to speak. Do you guys have a machine shop here? Maybe a soldering iron would work?”

Piotr handed Wade a snifter (SO fancy) of brandy, lifted the chair with him in it, turned it halfway round, and placed it carefully back down so that its back was no longer to the wall, but rather to the other chair. 

“Anyone ever tell you you're real strong?”

Instead of replying, Piotr sat down behind Wade and eased his robe off his shoulders. His hands were warm — that answered that question — and so smooth. Wade breathed in sharply through his nose at the touch. He clutched his drink with both hands but still spilled a little on the robe. He'd been intending to enjoy it — it really did look nice — but instead downed it in one go so that he didn't waste any more of it. And because he could use it. 

Meanwhile, Piotr had begun rubbing his shoulders with firm, smooth strokes. And god, Wade's muscles really were sore. “…yeah, real strong… mmffuckk that's good…” 

For a while, Wade just lost himself in the luxury of the massage. He knew that he was practically panting in pleasure in a way that should be embarrassing, but he definitely didn't care. Eventually he managed, “You know the downside to getting your shoulders rubbed? It makes you realize how sore the rest of you is. My lower back right now is like ‘what the fuck is this, just because I'm a little harder to reach I don't even count?’ I'm being such an asshole, this is great —”

Piotr gently tugged him up with one hand. “Lie down, Wade. I'll do the rest of your back.”

“Hope you do a lot more than that,” Wade said. He'd meant it to come out sultry, but the actual effect was just sort of matter of fact, bordering on desperate. Whoops, heh. It's ok, it's ok, he likes forward, Wade told himself. Thank god. 

Wade slid his arms out of the robe, letting it dangle from the belt at his waist, and positioned himself on his stomach in the center of the bed. He could feel his cock pressing against the fabric, probably leaving a stain of precum. He thought about explaining that he really had marked it now, but managed to keep his mouth shut. Then Piotr sat beside him on the bed and dug his thumbs into the small of his back and Wade straight up moaned. 

“FUCK that's good… fuckkkk, how is this not just your job? I mean I know there are a lot of —”

“Wade—”

“—bad guys out there and I'm not saying you're not great at kicking their asses but you could make such a good living off—”

“WADE.”

Wade shut up. Piotr’s hands had stilled. 

“Thank you for the compliment. I'm very glad you like it. Do you want me to keep going?”

“Ohmyfuckinggodyes.”

“Then hush.”

Wade hushed. 

Piotr chuckled. “Who knew it was this easy to quiet you?” Then he was quiet too, focusing on the task before him. Long minutes passed with just the sounds of the singing from the speaker, the small cracks in Wade’s back as big metal knuckles eased the tension out of him, and his own harsh breathing. 

He'd wanted to be quiet, he really had, but eventually he had to say something. “Uh, ‘Lossus, this is the best thing in the entire fucking world, but I'm getting kind of uncomfortable in this position?”

“Eh?”

“I'm saying that my dick is hard and laying on it is starting to hurt.”

“Oh!” Piotr withdrew his hands. “…’Lossus’? You know you can just call me by my name?”

Wade rolled over and propped himself up on the pillows, the bulge in his robe now REALLY obvious. “I uhhhh don't actually know how to say your name. I looked up a pronunciation guide on YouTube and practiced a little but I know I'm gonna fuck it up.”

“You can just call me Peter.”

“That's American cultural imperialism and I won't have it!!!”

Piotr smirked. “Piotr.”

“Pyoh-trah”

Piotr leaned in closer and enunciated. “Pyuh-tr.”

“Pika-chu?”

Piotr gave him a “seriously?” face. Wade closed the distance between them and whispered against metal lips, “Hi Pyuh-tr.”

“Not bad,” Piotr murmured, then kissed him.

It was the strangest, most delightful feeling, the warm, agile metal muscle of Colossus’s tongue sliding against his lips and then lightly against his own tongue. There was lubrication, but Wade didn't think it was spit exactly; the viscosity was slightly off and there was a tang to it, not unlike blood but much thinner and oddly not unpleasant. Wade pulled Piotr closer (well, put his hands on him and tugged, it's not like that would've done anything unless Piotr actually chose to move) and deepened the kiss. He sensed that Piotr was being very gentle with him, careful not to mash up his mouth with the hard metal of his own. 

Wade broke the kiss, and peppered smaller ones on Piotr’s cheek and jaw. He pushed his hands under the other man's robe and ran them along the broad tops of his shoulders, stroking back and forth, taking in the feel and shape and the sheer thrilling size of him. Then he let one hand wander downwards until it found a metal nipple. He squeezed. It didn't give a millimeter. 

“What do you feel,” Wade asked, bringing his mouth back to Piotr's and then breaking away again, “when I touch you?”

“I feel good,” Piotr rumbled. “You feel very good. My skin may be hard, but it responds to touch, slava Bogu.”

Wade squeezed the nipple again, as hard as he could. “How about that?”

Piotr shifted, bringing more of their skin into contact. “Don't hurt your fingers,” he said. “It doesn't do much extra for all that effort.”

“Hmm, but it does do something extra?”

“Barely,” Piotr said reluctantly, as if sorry to let Wade down. 

Wade let his hand drift lower, and began undoing the belt of Piotr’s robe. He kissed him again, a quick, teasing press of lips. “Well _you_ don't need to go to the effort of being so fucking delicate with me. I can feel you being all careful and gentle. It's sweet, don't get me wrong, but nahhh. You could hurt me maybe, but I actually don't mind a little of that, and it's not like you can do anything permanent.”

He crashed his mouth against Piotr’s then, feeling like he was bruising his lips and tongue with the force of it. Piotr still moderated his own force, but responded with more vigor and passion than before. That was more like it. It was a good hurt, sweet and heady. 

Wade felt a shudder go through both their bodies when his fingers finally grazed Piotr’s cock. Holy fuck. Holy fuck. It really was massive. Holy fuck. 

Piotr rolled over top of Wade, still careful not to actually crush him, letting the full length of their bodies touch but holding the bulk of his weight up with his arms, which were like pillars to either side of Wade's head. Wade could feel the heavy weight of Piotr’s dick against his thigh, his own throbbing cock rubbing against the belt of his robe, which was still wrapped around him for some reason. Piotr leaned down to kiss him, but as their lips touched, Wade's breath began to speed up in a different way. His face was getting hotter with a prickling sort of edge to it, and his heart was beginning to try to beat its way out of his chest. 

Wade tried to say something but nothing came out. Piotr pulled back for a breath and then leaned in to kiss him again, pressing even more firmly downwards against his body. Wade's arms felt trapped, his whole body felt trapped, and he could feel tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. He should be doing something, but he couldn't think, couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't breathe. 

Piotr pulled back from the kiss when Wade didn't respond as he had before. “Wade? Are you ok?”

Wade managed a tiny shake of his head, still trying to catch his breath. Piotr rolled off and sat up next to him. That helped a lot. Wade pulled himself into a sitting position against the head of the bed. He closed his eyes and just focused on slowing his breathing and heart rate. After a minute, something cold touched his hand. He cracked an eye to look at it. A glass of water held in a metal grip. He took it, drained it, handed it back. 

“...could I have some more of that brandy?” Wade asked in an approaching-normal voice. 

“Of course,” Piotr said. He came back with a snifter in hand and sat on the side of the bed again. Wade took it, and this time he actually sipped it, his hand only shaking a little. It was delicious, it turned out. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Piotr asked. 

“Bad man. Little Deadpool. Thought I was over it. Hadn't actually tested that theory. Whoops. Sorry, Piotr.” Wade took another sip, steadier this time. 

“Wade, I'm so sorry.” Piotr said softly. “We don't have to…”

“No.” Wade said, staring into his snifter. “We do have to. ...that came out wrong. Obviously if you're not ok with this, yeah, we can cool it. But I want you. I want you so fucking much. I've liked guys since I was a kid. I mean girls too, sure do love girls, but nnf, guys, hot. And I've never even once, aside from that…”

“That does NOT count,” Piotr said flatly. 

“...yeah, I _know_ that. I just mean that I feel like there's a part of me that I haven't been allowed to explore. Whether that's because of him and my own trauma or because of the market share in rural America and Fox’s fucking greed, I don't give a _shit_. It's not ok. I deserve to… I fucking deserve to fuck you! That also came out wrong!”

Despite himself, Piotr felt himself smile ever so slightly. He might not understand Wade all the time, but he loved his spirit.

“Just…” Wade continued, “I guess I should be on top? I think it would be ok then.”

Piotr nodded. “No problem. ...I think I'm going to have one of those too.” He got up and poured another brandy. “May I sit by you?”

“Please do,” Wade said, patting the pillow beside him. Piotr settled in. They sat quietly for a minute, shoulders touching, sipping their drinks. 

“So when you cum, is it liquid metal? If I go down on you, will I get lead poisoning and be trapped in a crushing cycle of poverty?”

“Your body would heal the damage, remember?” Piotr replied. 

“So it IS metal!!”

“Not exactly. It would have to be very hot to truly be liquid metal, and happy to say it is not. That would cause some problems.” Wade let out a high-pitched “heh!” at that. “What substance it is exactly, tough to say. Not the same as normal, but not so different to be dangerous.”

“Fascinating.” Wade said. He set his empty snifter down on the bedside table. “Why do we still have these on?” he asked, tugging off his robe. 

Piotr followed suit, setting aside both glass and garment. Then he laid down on his back, stretching out along the length of the bed. Wade just looked at him at first. “You're really really _really_ gorgeous, you know that?”

Piotr resisted the urge to cover himself in some way or to deny the praise. Wade reached out and trailed his fingers along Piotr’s stomach. Piotr took in and released a quick breath. The light, stroking touches came faster, all over his torso. He closed his eyes and breathed, feeling himself slowly beginning to become aroused again. 

Wade leaned down and brushed his nose along the side of Piotr’s face, then kissed a path down his neck. He kept going along the nearest side of the big man's body, kissing his collarbone, his nipple, his ribs, his hip. 

Then he reached out and placed the palm of his hand against the underside of Piotr’s cock, pressing it down onto his stomach. As he did so, he felt it pulse and grow. The sensation brought him back to hardness himself, so quickly he almost felt dizzy. 

“...fffuck…” Wade muttered. He licked his lips. Then he bent down and licked just the tip of Piotr’s cock. Piotr’s breath huffed heavily out of him in response. 

Wade climbed on top of Piotr’s thighs, enjoying the ability to not worry about where he was placing sharp elbows or knees — he could jab Piotr right in the steel balls, and all he'd do would be to bruise himself. There was such freedom in the knowledge that he couldn't hurt his partner if he tried. He straddled the bigger man, lining up their dicks. Then he licked his hand, spit in it for good measure, and tried to grab both of their dicks. The problem was that Piotr’s was too damn big for that to actually work. 

“Got any lube?” Wade asked. 

“In the drawer there.” 

Wade fetched it, got back into position, and coated both palms with the oil-based lubricant, dripping a little extra directly onto their dicks. Then he grasped them both, fingers wrapping over each other, and began to stroke. 

Piotr, who had been watching this process, dropped his head back and groaned, a deep, delicious sound. 

“You like that?” Wade asked, speeding up. “Rhetorical question. Nnnmmmffuckfuckyesss,” he hissed. “Ah fuck.” He had almost brought himself over the edge, just barely held back. The urge to continue was strong, but he really really didn't want to be done so soon. 

He looked down admiringly at the man below him. “Piotr, what do you want? Tell me what you'd like.”

Piotr blinked. “Aside from more of that? Hm. Put your mouth on me again, please, if you'd like to.”

“So polite! How could I say no!” Wade dove down and licked a thick stripe along the underside of the amazing living pulsing metal goddamn monster cock in front of him. Everything he'd dreamed and more. He took it in his hand, opened wide, and managed to fit his mouth around it. He couldn't take it in down to the base by any means, but, urged on by Piotr’s appreciative sounds, he worked hard on the part he could suck, remembering and mimicking things that Vanessa would do, like running his tongue around the underside of the head. 

After a few minutes, Piotr’s cock improbably seemed to grow even further, becoming rather uncomfortable to suck. “Ah, if you don't stop…” Piotr said shakily. Wade stopped. He gave the lovely body part in front of him a few friendly pats, as if it were a pet. Then he slid up the bed and wrapped his arms around Piotr’s broad shoulders. He nuzzled his face into the other man's neck and kissed and kissed and kissed him. Piotr wrapped his arms around Wade in turn, clasping him gently. “Hold me tighter than that, damn it,” Wade said, and Piotr did. 

“So,” Wade said after a moment, “how do you feel about butts?”

“I like them and I cannot lie.”

“Ha!”

“You play with mine, I play with yours, whatever you like.”

“Choices choices choices. Ummmm, so I don't think there's any way you can fuck my ass without it being an un-fun pain situation, but maybe you could finger me?”

“I would very much like that.”

“Ok, I've got it.” Wade scrambled up, handed the lube to Piotr, then arranged himself into a 69 position on top of the larger man. “You finger me and stroke my cock, I suck you off. Ready, set, go.”

Wade began sucking just the head of Piotr’s cock, much more leisurely than before. For a few seconds, Piotr indulged in simply enjoying the wonderful sensation, then he thoroughly lubed up one large finger and began rubbing Wade's hole in slow circles. He grasped Wade's cock with his other hand, feeling the strange texture of his mottled skin. Unusual, but not unpleasant… just different, like himself. He began to stroke it as he slowly, slowly pressed his way into Wade's ass. Wade pressed back into him, inviting the penetration, and just like that, his finger was two full knuckles inside. 

Wade shivered from his toes to his nose, breathing in deeply and adjusting to the sensation. Then he pressed back even further, until Piotr’s thick finger was buried all the way inside him. God, it felt like an entire dildo, in the best possible way. “Fuck me, Piotr,” he gasped, “use that thing.”

Piotr obliged. He stroked upwards, expertly finding Wade's prostate, and rubbing it again and again and again. 

Wade felt his balls tighten as his already hard cock filled further. Piotr’s hands moved smoothly back and forth, on him and in him, and it was with an effort that Wade remembered that he was supposed to have a role in this too. He took Piotr’s dick back in his mouth, as much as he could without gagging, and worked it hard and fast, moving his hands along the bottom of the shaft and cupping the heavy balls, trying to focus through the haze of his own pleasure.

Piotr cried out shudderingly, and suddenly Wade’s mouth filled with pulses of a thick, tangy fluid. Again, that blood-like, metallic taste. He swallowed it all, seeking the last of it with his tongue. 

Piotr had slowed down while in the throes of his climax, but after a few panting moments, he continued his ministrations with renewed vigor. 

Wade moaned and hung his head. “Fuck yes, fuck Piotr, fuck me, fuck me, fuck fuck fuckk FUCK!” And then the orgasm ripped out of him and all he could do was ride it, mouth open but soundless.

“Oh my god. Holy shit. What the jesus. Fuck, ” Wade panted. Piotr slipped his finger out of him and Wade shuddered one more time. He crawled over to the top of the bed, kissed Piotr gently, then curled up under one of his huge arms. “Ohh my god, yes. That was amazing. I love you. I fucking love you. Fuck. Please completely forget I said that.”

Piotr stroked Wade's head with one hand and smiled. “It's ok, Wade. I don't think I can say the same yet, it's just so soon, but I certainly care for you very, very much.”

“Noo, it's just Vanessa, she… that wasn't the agreement.”

Piotr stopped stroking. “Oh? And what was?”

“Uh. Like. Feelings, nah? Mind-blowing, earth-shattering sex that I tell her about later, yah?”

Piotr was entirely still now. Wade sensed the change and propped himself up. “I mean. Is that… cool? With you?”

Piotr sat up. He didn't look at Wade, but instead glowered straight forward. When he spoke, his accent was harsher than usual and the words were clipped and thick. “Your ‘agreement’ is that you _use_ me for sex, violate my privacy to amuse her, and forget anything I might feel or want? No, that is not. That is not cool.”

“Oh,” Wade said, in a very small voice. “I mean I did say no strings attached…? I never meant to… But when you say it like that, yeah, I uh… fuck.”

Piotr swung his feet off the bed, leaned forward, dipped his head down, and put a hand over his face. 

With a feeling of panic, Wade scrambled over the bed and slid to the floor at Piotr’s feet. He leaned his face against a bare metal knee, hugging it. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, fuck. I fucked this up, I have no idea what I'm doing on like five different levels and of course I fucked it up. You don't deserve that, you're incredible, so many different incredibles, and probably it was the endorphins but I meant what I said when I said it and I care a lot about you too and I… I'll… fuck, Piotr I'll talk to her, I…” His voice grew quieter, “I so sincerely never meant to hurt you, I'm so lucky just to have you as a friend, as an anything. Fuck I should have listened to Neon Trees…” He sang softly, “Why mess up a good thing, baby… it's a risk to even fall in love…”

After a moment, Piotr sighed and tugged Wade back up onto the bed with him. They laid on their sides, facing each other. Piotr absently grabbed one of the robes and wiped Wade's cum off of his stomach. When he spoke, his voice was heavy but steady. “Wade, I was… surprised just now. We should have talked more before we did this. I meant to, but you can be… persuasive. It all moved very fast.” He reached out and stroked Wade's shoulder. Wade leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. “Of course you want to tell your wife about this important new experience for you. Of course she wants to know about it. So — you tell her anything and everything you want that has to do with you, what you felt and did. A lot of that will involve me, I understand. I would just like it if you would not… gossip about me more than you need to. Don't make me into some kind of sex fantasy for the two of you, you understand? I am my own person, I deserve something to myself.” Wade nodded intently, eyes still closed. 

“As for feelings… Wade, I am already half in love with you. You touch me so deeply… and yes yes, I know you want to say that I touched you deeply too, ha ha. But it's true. What we shared was special. It can't just be sex to me. I think… I was so intrigued by the ‘sweet, sweet love’ part of your note that I didn't think about the ‘no strings attached’ part. There are strings, with me. For me. So maybe you change your agreement with Vanessa. Or maybe this was a one-time thing. If it has to be that, I will do my best to stay your friend. I promise I will try.”

Wade reached up to the hand on his shoulder and clutched it. “Cool same,” he said tightly. “Can I just ask you one thing?”

“Yes?” Piotr asked. 

His voice still tight, Wade continued “If this works out, can our ship name be Poolossus? It's not that I want my name to be first, I mean it's a little that, I just think it flows way better than Colopool. I mean, they both have issues. But hey, so do we, right?”

*

Wade had told Vanessa he might spend the night with Colossus if he got lucky, but after that last conversation, it didn't feel right to stay. Piotr grabbed some random clothes for him from the laundry room, and a confused and sleepy Dopinder gave him a ride home. 

Vanessa was asleep when he got home, so they talked the next day over pancakes, after Russell had left for school. Wade explained it all, doing his best to adhere to Piotr’s wishes. Vanessa ate and listened. When he was done, she thought for a minute, chewing quietly. 

“Wow. It's just been thing after thing after thing lately, y’know? I died and you have to go to jail and almost die? You can travel through time? We're adopting a kid? You finally give guys a try and now you maybe have a serious boyfriend? Fuck, babe. What a crazy month.” She took another bite. “I mean it's cool, I get it, sometimes you just gotta stand by your monster dick metal man. As long as you don't love me any less—” 

“Never!” he cut in. 

“—it's all good.” She smiled a warm, genuine smile at him. “I didn't think through those rules, like, at all. Yeah, if you've got real feelings for him, I'm not gonna tell you you gotta forget about it. He sounds awesome. I wanna hang with him one on one at least once? I'd love it if we were friends, but like at least once.” Wade nodded vigorously. “I hope you weren't too freaked out, thinking I was gonna be mad. I'm super happy for you, this is exciting! He'd just better not break your heart,” she said matter of factly, “or else I'll melt him down and make him into a model TIE Fighter.”

“God, I love you so much,” Wade said fervently.

He stood up and gave his gorgeous, wonderful wife a kiss. Then he picked up his phone, pulled up ‘Sparkly Comrade’ in his contacts list, changed it to ‘Metal Boyfriend’, and typed “Poolossus is a go!!!”


End file.
